Hangover
by ProcrastinatorC
Summary: After a tiring day, Sakura decided to go drink to her heart content but soon upon waking up she found herself in a bed sandwiched between two bodies remembering nothing except a huge blank but the pain from her fitful mad night made her confide to Ino. She honestly thinks it went off from there. ItaSakuShi
1. Chapter 1

"Woman, you look like you've been mauled by a bear..." Ino was swirling her drink and looking suspiciously at her best friend's disheveled state.

"Nope, it was worse." Sakura was frowning making her eyebags all the more visible. She messed with her collar, trying to get it to stay still and not slid down.

"Do tell, forehead."

"Not before drowning that shot, pig." She raised and glass and gulped it down in one shot.

"Now talk." Ino was tapping her nails against the glass and took a sip.

"So, I didn't wake up at home."

"You decided to visit mother nature?"

"Shut up." Sakura gave a slight slap on her hand but even that was enough to make her hiss in pain.

"Dammit, forehead! Control your strength!"

"You think those fucking unimaginably atrocious wrinkles on my clothes are due to a simple night outside?! No! They came from nowhere! I want them to come from nowhere!" Sakura was ready to cry.

"..."

"I woke up in a queen sized bed!"*sniff*"It was comfy but there were two men in it."

Ino's eyes bulged out of her sockets and she dropped her drink before gaping at her chaste friend.

"Wut?"

"Wee weere all naaked." Sakura's tears were already coming out. She asked for another shot and down it like a boss, before taking another one.

"Oh?"

"I can't, I can't face them anymore...I'm doomed. And you know what? That's not the worst!"

"You lost your virginity?"

"..."

"You did!" Ino got up from her seat to order another shot." Congrats my friend! Welcome to the adult world!" Sakura ignored that part.

"I tried to leave without waking them up, you know. Without anyone noticing me." Ino sat back down and waited for the rest."They're too skillful, they woke up and then the door opened...and their uncle just gave me that stare..."

"That stare?" WTF? The uncle? That gotta be harsh.

"Like he witnessed everything from the beginning! And then they just smirked like it was going out of style! While I was naked!"Sakura slammed another glass." I got drunk like mad so I don't remember anything! And you know what?! It hurts! I'm sitting right now next to you but in my head I'm swearing like a sailor and it fucking throbs like shit!" I can't move my thighs without crying in pain and my * **bip*** is hurting so bad!"

"Sakura? Stop drinking."

"Noooo! I want to drown in my sorrows!" She wailed and took her tenth shot.

"Stop!" Ino was struggling against her friend's monstrous strength to make her let go of the damn bottle." Or else it'll happen! Again!" That stopped Sakura right in her tracks. She stopped fighting her friend and handed over the bottle.

"Good girl." Ino proceeded to give it back to the bartender. She sat back." Now you gonna tell your bestie who you banged." Ino had a sudden revelation."Ah no wait, your *** hurts? Where else?"

"My ***..."

"On my fucking god! You lost it like-with-nnn-ooohhh."

"Yeah, oooohhh." Sakura's voice came out all squeaky and her face was heating up.

"WHO."

"mmdfkefgjnk."

"Sakura."

"..."

"TALK."

Sakura stood up and bonked her head against her friend's. She didn't pay attention to the pained groan and whispered to her ear.

"Uch-ch-chi-wa-wa?"

"Hnnn?"

"Ita-tachi an-and Shisui?"

"Pfffffuuu!" Ino regretting taking a gulp of alcohol and spat it all out. The liquid was dripping and some drops were dropping from her chin. What a waste.

"And their un-uncle...it-it was Ma-ma-ma-madara."

"Oh god." Ino was now regarding her friend like an alien. There was no way."Genjustu?" She used this moment to get a handkerchief and wipe the mess.

Sakura got angry and slapped her shoulder." You know I'm immune to it with Inner!"

"Goddamn raining men."

"What?"

"Hhurrum! Nothing."

They heard shouts and turned to the center of attention. It was Naruto and Sasuke. Sakura was doomed and she couldn't even run in her state.

"Ino, help me."

"I can't. You handsome teammate is giving _that stare._ "

"I will end you."

"Well look! Now!" Ino shouted and Sakura shifted her head but Sasuke looked like usual, stuck up and ready to beat any ass that dare to cross his path. She wouldn't give herself to such a fate when she coudn't back herself up.

" ."

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

"Brother." Izuna was watching the huge new painting in his brother's new bedroom. His old one had been destroyed after one too many attempt on his life.

"Hn?" Madara was humming which was both creepy and uncharacteristic of him.

"What's that?" Izuna pointed to the very real image of a woman's in the throws of passion although her face had been censored and her hair was magenta. There was no woman with magenta hair in the village.

"My newest creation! And limited collector piece of my porn collection!" Madara had his arms wide open and his eyes were shining with mirth.

"Why did you transform into such a pervy geezer? I'll call the hokage to get rid of it. He's the only one who can when it concerns your antics." The last sentence was muttered under his breath and he ran away at an astonishing speed.

"What? Izuna! Come back here!" He soon followed after his brother.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time they caught a glimpse of her, Itachi saw his little brother fly in the air and land with a loud thud out cold on the hard ground. Shisui did a quick shunshin and slowed Naruto's landing. They exchanged a quick glance and Itachi shoved Sasuke over his shoulder. A swirl of wind swept over them and they looked up to see their female teammate with a deadpan face next to a blonde man they recognized as the missing iwa nin Deidara.

"It's art, un." The man was unsuccessfully trying to seduce the kunoichi judging by the little finger she gave him.

"Now, I don't care if you throw them out of your bird in midair but please don't give me more work." She shifted and leaned back before closing her eyes. She was gonna take a nap, easy, like she wasn't alone with another man and letting her teammates crash on the earth.

"The fuck?" Shisui muttered while giving a questioning look towards his cousin.

"Sa...su...ke...we...failed." Naruto gave his last words before fainting.

They never found out what that was all about.

The second time, she led them on a goose chase. She had passed her anbu exam without telling anyone and was masquerading as a kusa nin. Her pale pink hair was dyed in a crimson red though they suspected it was just blood that sprayed out from her recent kill, with a haircut if it could be called by such a name, totally uneven and her attire was similar to Karin's who they saw trail after Sasuke a couple of times. She had just finished and stared at them through her red contact lenses.

"…."They just continued to watch.

"I'm Karin, nice to meet you. Urgh, now I have to try to seduce you."Keyword _try_.

"No thank you." Shisui looked at Itachi with wide eyes. It's been so long since he last witnessed his dear cousin talk to the female species.

"Hum!"She cleared her throat and began her monologue. "Kya, I'm so hawt for ya. You make my cunt fly to the sky and now I'm bleeding out. Gotta have to stalk you in the night. What the fuck am I sprouting? Fangirl definition?"She said with a dead tone and her expression stoned in bore."Well that failed. Let's try again. You know what? I give up." Well, she quickly gave up as she said. She incinerated the body and disappeared from view. They swore they heard her mumble 'Never gonna play dare with pig and red grass again.'

The third time, only Shisui was present because Itachi had to attend a clan meeting if he didn't want to be stuck in an arranged marriage. He protected his single status more than his beloved little brother.

"Hi, Uchiha-san." She waved her dango plate over and he just took a seat next to her. He ignored her tied up teammates for the time being and took the stick she offered.

"Please, call me Shisui. There's too much Uchiha in here."

"I see." She nodded and took several bites until her cheeks were puffed and she was the cross between a human and a squirrel.

"Hm, What's happening?"

"I needed a new nickname for red grass."

"I'm talking about them." He pointed across the table.

"Tsunade-shisho told me to get rid of them and I didn't know what to do with their corpses so I decided to drag them with me. You know, teamwork." He didn't think teamwork was to be taken like that.

"And that nickname?" He took her tea cup and drank the rest.

"Massakakusa, deep red grass? No. Massaka? Wait, grass, gras, fat. Fat mass! Ah no, not enough. Kusa, kuso? Shitty greasy fat! That's great!"

"How?" How did she come to this conclusion?

"In short, SGF. Gonna make her hurl before giving her the meaning." he finished her plate and gave his a radiant smile." Thank you."

"You're welcome."

In the end, he didn't know what she thanked him for until he saw her leaving once again without her teammates. He looked away from their pleading eyes and snicked out to avoid paying the bill.

He didn't how they kept surviving but he had to admit they had a high durability.

The forth time it was Itachi and he just watched her trip over the air and dance around trying to catch herself before spraining her ankle and flopping on the ground. Nevermind the snow slowly covering her body.

He was gonna help her up but she stood on her elbows and was getting ready to heal herself when she received a snowball to the face. She fell back down. He turned his head to the side and saw Naruto running away. He prayed for the blond's safety.

He waited a little before getting worried. She wasn't moving anymore. He rushed to her side and got her face out of the snow, her eyes were still open but glassy.

"I love your hair."She stared at the silky strands that escaped his ponytail and was brushing her forehead.

"Thank you." She seemed to get a hold of her bearings and finally noticed who she was talking to.

"Please forget it."

"No can do."

She slapped herself and whined. She tanked him and ran before slipping on on the ice and doing a full split. She trembled and got her legs unstuck with her hands before walking with a limp.

That was a strange encounter.

The fifth time, they did not believe in coincidence anymore. It was raining and she was smiling at her umbrella like looking at the others waiting for the rain to lessen. She opened it and braved herself against the wind. Her umbrella broke the moment she went out and she got slapped by the object before being blinded by her untied hair.

"Wow." Shisui whistled before coming to her aid.

"Hn."

They didn't remember how many times they crossed path with her but she always was busy or getting into trouble.

"Dismissed." Tsunade said with her arms crossed.

"Hai."

They were gonna vanish when a loud smack was heard against the door. It slowly opened and a red faced Sakura winced still trying to hold the load of papers in her hands.

"Sakura..." Tsunade sighed."Next time, try to stop slamming your head against the door."

"Hai..."

They kept meeting her one way or another until the faithful night they saw her drunk. They weren't in a better state than her after having escaped another attempt of their fangirls stealing their clothes or sprouting about how they would love to see them together. Itachi was still pale and Shisui had puked and drank shot after shot until now.

They woke up with her in Itachi's bed while recalling the previous night. They sensed another presence and quickly hid her naked body with the sheets while Shisui put himself in front to prepare for an attack. Itachi made sure to take her underwear and stuff all of her clothes under the covers. It was their uncle.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ino, why is Sakura drinking alcohol like it's water?" Naruto asked, watching his female teammate

drown on the quantity of liquid she was attempting to inhale.

"How should I know?" Ino lied and smacked Sakura's hand from another bottle because that was clearly alcohol but not the kind you drink."Don't tell me you took that from your medic supplies."

"Nooooo..." Sakura was doing a bad job at defending herself.

"Hn. Stop." Sasuke crossed his arms and glared at Sakura who giggled and smacked his arm, breaking it. He didn't scream as much as he was used to it."I'm going." The blondes just hopped he was heading for the hospital.

"Tch! Being cool even while having his arm broken." Naruto tsked and grabbed Sakura's drink to gulp it in one treat and spat it all back."Blwargh! The fuck is that?!"

"Ethanol." Sakura seriously replied.

"This girl is hopeless." Ino rubbed her temples and turned her back to them.

"Hm guys!" Sakura yelled." I think I injected poison in his system."

"What?" They both turned to Sakura.

"Hum. See?" She showed the hand she used to smack Sasuke and revealed a small senbon soaked with a purple liquid. It was also dripping in blood, Sasuke's blood.

"Which one is it, forehead?" Ino slowly moved back.

"Sasori! I love him!" _Translation: It's Sasori's poison that I began to use since our battle and I just freaking use it every time I can. We just have the same passion for killing our victims slowly and painfully_ _although I never show it because I'm a psychopath but you already knew that_ _. He's a kindred. And as a kindred I added my own mixture to strengthen its efficiency. However, just like him there's no antidote,_ _except for the one I did,_ _but I am immune to it, of course. Good luck._ _Or not motherfuckers._

"Naruto." There was no need for words.

"Hai!" He ran after Sasuke in hope to get him on time.

"Troublesome child"

"Hay! Hay!" Sakura cheerfully clapped her hands and took another glass. How they kept appearing next to her, Ino wanted to find out.

Sakura's collar slipped just a bit to reveal her collarbone and Ino wished she had not seen that. Her skin was red and Ino could see the hickeys and bites leaving no place for any new one to manifest.

"I'm so fucking jealous of you." Ino cried and joined her friend on the way to get wasted.

"Don' be. Am no'." The drunk Sakura said while discretely erasing the drink from her system. Not that she knew that since it was an instinctual reaction.

The sun was high in the sky and two girls woke up separated from each other and totally not in the bar they once were in.

"Ino." Naruto could only deadpan at the picture she made.

"Hn..." She fumbled while trying to know where she was and why her head was killing her.

"Get your hand out of my pants."

"Hm?!"

"Tsk! How did you get inside my home?" He mumbled under his breath. He slapped her hand away and she fell from his covers to fall in a dirty ramen covered floor. Yes, he slipped some on the floor and no he could not save it because even he was not stupid enough to eat what has once fallen from _his_ floor. Even Kurama would not be able to heal him if he did.

Feeling a disgusting matter cling to her hair, Ino feared looking below her until she saw an antenna wiggle and wondered where it came from. Turning her head to the right, she screamed.

"Kyyyyaaaaaaa!"

It was a mutated cockroach and its family.

"Oh. Hi mushi-chan! I see you took your family to explore." Naruto waved at the abomination.

 _ **R.I.P Ino**_.

* * *

Sakura was looking at Itachi who was looking at her with Shisui looking at them and ignored like dust under their feet.

"..."

"…"

"..."

"Sorry for the intrusion." Sakura raised her head to stare at the person across her.

"Don't be." Itachi nodded and gave her a cup of tea before taking his and seating down.

"How..." Shisui asked in the air.

"Would you forget it if I said you were quite comfy?" Sakura took a huge gulp and waited for a response.

"Thank you but no."

"Itachi..." Shisui wanted to bang his head against the wall.

"Ok." Sakura nodded.

"You two, I can't handle both at the same time." Shisui shook his head and ignore the smell of alcohol emanating from her dumped clothes. The girl had to change into Itachi's clothes because there was no way to salvage those limp pieces of annihilated torn tissue.

"Sorry for the inconvenience." She finished the cup and got up to wash it.

"Make yourself at home."

"Itachi, stop it!"

"Thank you, I will. Have you finished your tea?"

"Yes."

"Ah let me take it."

"Thank you." Itachi bowed and gave her a small grin. She beamed at him and took the cup from his hand.

"It's nothing. After all, I'm the one who bothered you."

"Why do I feel like I'm the one who's intruding?!"

"Itachi-san?"

"Sakura, just call me Itachi."

"Ok..." She gave out a pretty blush and they both remained oblivious to the third party who honestly wanted to wake up from this dream.

They had completely ignored him and he could see a flowery filter behind them with their sparkling smiles.

"Oi!"

"Shisui dear, shut up." A female sounded from behind him.

Shisui stilled and turned his head. Mikoto was standing next to him and silently squealing at her son flirting with the medic. Perhaps she would see the day her son gave her cute grandchildren. Oh she could see little girls with pink hair and black eyes with boys and their cute green eyes coupled with their silky father's hair. So cute.

"Oba-san, What are you doing here?" He was chopped on the head and nearly kissed the floor if not for his quick reflex.

"Shhh! Let me savor this moment." She took this moment to tie him up and fling him into the closest cupboard." Sorry my dear but I want to see my son married and there will be **no competition**." Once a shinobi, always a shinobi. Uchiha men were selfish and prideful. Uchiha women were sly and vicious.

She went back into hiding and watched from the ceiling.

"Itachi?"

"Hm?"

"Did I just see Mikoto-san beat up Shisui?"

"…no."

"I see."

"Yes."

"The tea was delicious."

"Hn."

* * *

Sakura went on a hunt to find her best friend and guess where she found her.

"Naruto...get off her." She had her no nonsense tone on and meticulously unsealed her giant axe.

"Yes ma'am." Naruto moved back and Ino's head bonced on the floor before settling down, on the cockroaches. That was a good way to kill them but too filthy.

"Now what happened here?"

"I woke up when she began to molest me."

"For some reason I can't help but believe you."

"Me too." _Shut up._

"Now, where's Sasuke?"

"!"


	4. Chapter 4

"I fear you." Naruto stared at his teammate currently moaning in agony in front of his own room.

"Thank you." Sakura smirked and glanced at the black haired woman next to her."But I should not be the one you fear."

"Ara? Sasuke-chan, you know not to sleep on the floor." The woman answered with a little giggle.

"Mikoto-san, I don't think it was intentional." Sakura brandished a needle and administered the antidote directly onto his jugular.

"Why there?!" Naruto wanted to run away.

"Felt like it."

"Sooo, I heard the kazekage was gonna pay us a visit." She slung the prone figure on the bed and closed the door behind her.

He scratched his head and turned his head to the side, avoiding to look into her eyes. He remembered the last time Gaara was here. His village definitely needed medics and Sakura had to stay in Suna for a long time, enough to get new stalkers not that she knew it.

"Urgh..." Ino tried to get up from her position but found herself stuck."The fuck?"

"Oh hey Ino!"

"Naruto, I don't think she's gonna let you live any longer if you don't let her go." Sakura thought it was funny to watch them squirm from their tangled limbs.

"But you're the one who told me to pick her up!"

"Pick her up, not put a wrestling move on her though I have to admit it was well done." **clap clap clap**

"Let m-ouch!"

"Naruto."

"What! I just put her down!"

"You mean you knocked her out." She sighed."I should have expected as much from you."

"Sasuke, still alive?" She kicked his body. It didn't move."Guess not."

"Maa maa, Sakura-chan, could you deliver this to Itachi?" Mikoto brandished a lunch box from nowhere and handed it to her.

"Hum, where is he supposed to be at this hour?"

"I'm sure you will be able to find him in his office in the anbu quarters." She was pushed out of the house followed shortly after by the blondes.

"I'll leave you to take care of Ino. Or just get her home. See you later." She did not let him the time to respond before leaving sakura blossoms float in the air.

"The cockroach has not moved from her hair..."He picked her up and walked to the streets. He didn't know where she lived.

* * *

"So, his office?" She bypassed the tired but guarded and ready to attack at any moment shinobi to knock on the door.

"Enter." She pushed the door and closed it behind her.

"Itachi- _san_ , Mikoto-san wanted me to deliver you this." Oh, please tell her it was jut an illusion.

"Hn."

The third person in the room turned towards her with wide eyes before narrowing them.

"You."

"Me."

"You."

"Me."

"You're dead."

"Well then goodbye." She ran out of the building with the sister of the kazekage on her heels.

"Slut! Fucking bitch! How dare you show your face to me?!" Temari cried out of rage while dislodging her fan from its sheath.

"I'm no slut! I'll have you know he was my first!"

"And your last!"

"Too late!" She sang her sentence to annoy the suna kunoichi.

"Aaahhhhrrr!"

"Hahahahaha!" Was she growing nuts? Nah. Oh a sake bottle. She didn't remember hiding that in her clothes. She drank it all in one gulp and threw it behind her. Whipping her head around to see her target, she missed the one in front of her and collided with a male body.

"Ah sorry." They had fallen hard against the concrete.

"You smell like alcohol." The male voice uttered out. Sakura leaned on her arms and pushed to see him.

"Shisui?"

"Hey."

"Bitch!" They jumped from their position and looked at the woman waving her fan around.

"Oh need some help?" He asked her. She just gave him another bottle of sake. He deadpanned but still gathered her in his arms before vanishing and demonstrating why he bore the moniker Shunshin no Shisui.

They heard a great scream from afar.

* * *

"Danna, why are we here, un?"

"Don't make me repeat, idiot." The redhead slapped the blond over the head and turned to his charge.

"Cousin, I have to admit it's strange of you to come with me to Konoha." Gaara spoke calmly with his arms crossed and his sand killing any bugs coming with a few feet of them.

"The leader found a new recruit in Konoha, we have to go. It's all but a coincidence that you're also going." Sasori was hidden inside his puppet and waved its tail hazardously.

"He's just taking advantage of us." Kankuro grumbled." Saves them money."

"Shut up brat."Sasori threateningly loomed over him.

"We're here." Gaara stopped walking and held his hand up.

At the gate, Naruto was talking with the guards and watched the newcomers.

"Fuck."

* * *

"Is there a reason why you won't let me go, Shisui?" Sakaru arched her eyebrow.

"Your lap is comfortable and it's the perfect spot for a nap." Shisui snuggled further in her thighs with her body hanging at the edge of the saidame's face statue by the help of her chakra.

"Or you just thought I didn't see you bleeding from an injury."She lazily spat out.

"That's why you're healing me, right?" He pointed to her hands lit up in a gentle green shade."You won't drag me to the hospital."

"Why, you sound so certain."

"If she's here, her brother will be." Sakura grew still.

"And with him comes Sasori." She facepalmed.

"Sasori?" Shisui grabbed her hand away from her face.

"...long story..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:**

 **Yomii21: I got you confused so I decided to update early. Hope you enjoy the chapter.**

"Nope, I ain't gonna tell you a thing." Sakura shook her head and took his head off her lap.

"Why?" Shisui remained lied down looking at her upside down.

"We might have been...playing into unknown lands...but it changes nothing." She glanced down and gave him one last stare before jumping down the mountain.

Shisui waited a few minutes before getting up."So, Sasori?"

* * *

"Hiya! Friend!" Now Naruto, that was not exactly smooth.

Gaara barely paid attention to him." Naruto." He talked to the guards quickly and was let into the village. He directly went to the hokage tower without checking over his companions who all but took this opportunity to vanish onto different parts of the village.

Kankuro searched for his sister while the two akatsuki members lingered a little more to observe the jinchuuriki.

"Izumo, Kotetsu." Naruto calmly said which was a sign of the end of the world.

"Hm?"They replied, giving him suspicious looks.

"We can't let Gaara see Sakura."

"What? Why?" Izumo asked incredulously.

"You don't want to see them together." Naruto went away to visit his other out of commission teammate.

Meanwhile Ino's cockroach reproduced. Where exactly, no one wants to know.

* * *

Sakura was heading to the hokage tower to ask for a mission far away from here until the suna nin went away. She didn't know she was slowly getting closer to Gaara or else she would have invited him on a tour across all the bars, she who introduced to him the benefits of getting drunk. Yes, the reason why Temari was after her was because she made him discover alcohol. It might also have to do with their first kiss.

"Hm? Kankuro?" The man turned around and flinched."What was that reaction?"

"Ehhh, did you see my sister?" His fingers were twitching.

"Where are your manners?" Sakura discretely glanced over Kankuro's shoulder to see what he was searching for.

"I don't have time for that."

"Say, why do you want to find her?" If he acted like that, she would do the same.

"Meh? I just have to. Who would want to find her if I didn't?" He shrugged.

"Meh? Good luck." She could almost hear the change of target charging in the blonde's head.

"Good luck? What do you mean good luck?" He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked behind him.

"You need to learn your place, peasant."Temari cracked her fingers and swung her fist.

"Oneee-saaannn?!" A pleasant crack was heard.

"Rest in peace." Sakura smirked and went away

"Wait! Wait wait wait!" Kankuro was clutching his injured cheek and desperately waving his head with sweat dropping over his forehead, his make up melting with the sudden rise of temperature.

"Meet your creator" She kicked him on his side and he flew over a tree.

* * *

Sasori finally did it. He lost his partner. Had had he not been as controlled as he was he would have jumped over in joy. No more brat to tolerate. No more objection to his art.

"Now, let's find my next masterpiece. She will be a fine addition to my collection." He let himself cackle in delight.

"Man this guy is creepy as fuck." Kiba muttered from his hidden spot behind the bushes.

"No more than you." Shino replied.

"What did you say?!" An angry vein appeared on his forehead.

"The fact that the man has a deranged laugh does not make him creepy, just fitting in his own criteria." Shino began his explanation.

"Takes one to analyze another one."

"I did not know you had such complicated words in your vocabulary." Shino fixed his sunglasses.

"Why are you so cruel with me?! You keep insulting me!" Kiba cried out." Wait! Is it because we forgot to invite you over for dinner?!"The glare he could feel from behind his teammate's glasses was more than enough to answer his question." But it was only one time!"

"It was the 20th."

"Aaa-an-ano." Hinata was looking back and forth in the puppeteer's direction and her team.

"Yes, Hinata?"

"Oi! Don't ignore me, Shino!"

"He-he's looking at us." She pointed to the glaring redhead.

"Oooohhh."

Shino took Hinata's arm and vanished with the help of his insects.

"Oi!Don't leave me alone!"

* * *

"AAAHHH!" Tsunade drawled out like a thug" Why would you need my head medic? Hhhmm?"

"Ours died of poisoning." The suna nin behind him scoffed.

"Poison." Tsunade kept the disbelief from her face and voice.

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"...Sasori."

"..."

"..."

"And you want Sakura. Sakura to train your medics."

"Yes."

"Is it not just to tame him?"

"...No."

Sakura shivered. It was a bad omen. She looked at the closed door and turned back on her steps. She felt the sudden surge of chakra, her shishou's. The door blew to pieces before she could escape.

"Kakakaka!" That was an explosion, not a punch.

Sakura prepared herself for the worst.

"Senpai!"A childish voice sounded from the office.

"Shut up Tobi! You're spoiling my fun!"

"Oh god." Sakura hid her face between her hands.

"God won't save you."The voice gave Sakura a small fright. She hissed and growled at her old sensei.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

He patted her head and left her. Alone.

She ran after him just in time to avoid the sand invasion.

""Sand coffin."

"Oi! It's my office!" She slammed the pyromaniac over her table." Sakura get your ass in here! Yeah I saw you!"

"Shit!" She reluctantly stopped on her way.

"Now!"

The damages were being taken care of as she spoke. It spoke about how used to it they were. Sakura took her time to enter and ignored the glimmering worshiping eyes clung on her.

"Oh, it's Sakura-chan!" Tobi was jumping up and down.

"Do I know you?" She tilted her head to the side."No, I don't."

"So mean!" Tobi clutched Deidara's robes.

"Get off!"

* * *

"Ita-chan?" Her son handed her the empty lunchbox.

"Mother, you cannot fill my food with aphrodisiacs." He shook his head.

"Ara, why?"


	6. Chapter 6

"I've just been gifted to Suna." Sakura stated with a cold stare.

"Now, now. No need to spell it out like that. Isn't it you who wanted to go away for a while?" The bartender gently reminded her.

She took the bottle from his hands and proceeded to empty it. A pile of glasses were gathered in front of her and then barman left to take the others commands. She waited for his return to continue talking.

"I know but I wanted to go away for a reason. What good is it if the reason follows me?" He took back his bottle and frowned when he eyed the empty content.

"I usually don't tell customers to stop but you should."

She smirked." Don't worry about money, I'm not the one paying."

"?" She raised her shoved her hand out of her pocket and showed a wallet.

"Shishou's."

"Won't she be mad?" He cleaned a glass.

"Nah, she was too drunk and with all the unpaid diners, well, she deserves the gap in her savings." She tossed out the bills and left her seat." See you later."

"She made a dent, again." The bartender sighed and lost himself in nostalgia.

* * *

"Itachi, what's wrong?" Shisui leaned on his arms and glanced at the down figure beside him on his bed though technically it was his cousin's. It saved him from buying one for himself.

"Mother doused my food with questionable substances." His voice was clear even when muffled by covers. Shisui was jealous.

"Trying to give her grandchildren? How many attempts this month?" He sat up;

"40." Itachi sounded normal but for Shisui who has known him since he was a toddler, he easily picked up on the hopelessness.

"Wow. I would help you escape if I wasn't so scared of her killing me in my sleep." He chuckled.

"She has put her fixations on Sakura. I heard her mutter about pink haired granddaughters and a spring wedding." Itachi picked something from his collar and stilled as he saw the small capsule looking ready to burst. He did not know what effects it would have had it been in contact with his contacts but he wasn't taking any risks. It was only his poker face that prevented him from showing fear.

"You know when I first met you I thought you got your skills from your father but it's undeniably a trait from your mother."He paused." She's frighteningly powerful. I've grown scared of the word 'ara' because of her." He heard a giggle and turned his head towards the door.

"Ara?"

"Kyaaaahhhhhh!" And that was the last time Shisui was ever heard in this chapter.

* * *

"Teme, stop sleeping. Please I need you." Naruto resisted the urge to shake his teammate. Even he knew it would only worsen his teammate's state.

"Dobe." Sasuke only opened one eye, too tired to be alert. Naruto burst into tears and hugged him."Urgh, get off!"

"You're alive!"

"Dobe."

"I need your help. I don't know where Ino lives."

"Leave."

"Sasuke?" Mikoto opened the door.

"Mother?"

"Go with him." She wasn't asking. Sasuke ignored the kitchen knife in her hand glinting ominiously in the barely lit up room. Naruto wasn't as inclined.

"Hai." He got up even as his limbs protested.

They only stayed long enough to see Mikoto close a door. Naruto blanched as he saw a glimpse of what was inside it.

* * *

Sakura squinted her eyes. She shook her eyes and continued walking." Nah, it's not him."

She was too curious for her own good and looked at the seemingly dead corpse looming in the training ground. A kick to the side to turn it around confirmed her fear. It was a poisoned Kiba foaming at the mouth that graced her sight and she only had one dose of antidote left on her. The dose she didn't want to waste on anybody because she knew she would need it for her next encounter with Sasori.

She blamed her timing when she saw the puppet Hiruko with it's tail swinging towards her. She grabbed Kiba's ankle and threw him in the air. He flew like a bird in the sky and became one with the clouds while she jumped and avoided what could have been a fatal blow.

"Dammit! Sasori, stop!" She yelled.

He obviously didn't listen because she had to dodge new puppets that appeared out of nowhere inside her perimeter. The swords on their hands were really threatening and the poison at her disposition was useless against wood.

Kiba finally fell back from the sky and Sakura cursed under her breath. It was just her day. Pumping chakra onto her legs she leaped in the air and ran away with him over her shoulder. Sasori grunted and followed after her. A grin stretched over his usually stoic face. His eyes were glinting with his newly found obsession, it was a bloodthirsty one.

"Don't move little one, it will be over soon." His suave tone was too close to her position for her liking.

"I don't want my life to be over!" There was no way she could go aback to the street as there would be too many casualties.

A blade nicked Kiba just as he was waking up from his induced coma. She slapped him, hoping to make him regain consciousness. It did not help.

"Why am I even trying to save him?" He glanced one more time at him and threw him behind her without remorse. If he ended shattering one of the puppets, it was accidental.

* * *

"Kakuzu..."Yahiko started.

"What?" Then man was lying on the couch, counting his money.

"You need to give him back his head..."

"No."

"You damn fucker!" The beheaded body was running around the base like chicken and it's head was stuck in the fridge.

"You need to get news from Sasori, they were supposed to contact us." The poor man never got a response to his command.

"Oi, jashinist fucker. You still owe me money"


	7. Chapter 7

Sakura did not run for long before she was caught up by one of his puppets. She simply was not in the mood to fight and smash all his art works again. The face Sasori made when he realized that all his pent up hard work was destroyed in a single fight was monumental and more than dangerous. He reached the pick of his power when he had nothing to manipulate and that was worrisome which is why she really didn't want to ever cross path with him again.

A hand slowly caressing her cheek brought back her attention. He was lazily looking down on her."You're trapped now, little doll."The badly masked possessiveness in his voice made her shiver."Cat got your tongue? I hear no comeback." His smirk oozed with smugness.

"Hn." Damn good Uchiha imitation. Give her a medal.

As they were both swept into their own world, they failed to notice the approaching figure quickly gaining on them.

The hand on her cheek dropped lower to rest on the back of her neck. Sweat prickled her temple to slide down and disappear beneath her clothes. Sasori raised her head to force her to look at his directly in the eyes while his other hand rested firmly on her waist, effectively trapping her against the tree offering them privacy as the leaves surrounded them.

He lowered his head until their nose touched and took a deep breath though his mouth."Got you." The words made his hot breath blow against her cheek. As he was gonna take the last step he was suddenly flung across the field.

"You." The word was filled with so many clear emotions. There was no need for more to understand the underlying meaning of 'Hands off. She's mine.' Sakura easily recognized Shisui. She felt heat flood her face and stayed silent.

Sasori was already getting up and looked ready to murder him but Shisui wasted no time and took Sakura in his arms and swept her away to his home. It was the same room she ended up in when she woke up from her hangover. She contemplated the lack of decorations in the room when she was flung on the bed. She bounced against mattress and instinctively laid her weight on her hands in an attempt to get up when she found herself facing Shisui.

"Wha-" Her throat got dry when he lowered his body until their clothes touched and fixed her with a heated glare.

Never had her heart beaten as fast as when she heard his serious and husky voice utter such a bold statement." You belong to us." Red was starting to seep onto his iris." Itachi. Me. No one else." His arms wrapped around her small figure." No one has the right to touch you. No one except us." He sounded so sure of his words, his sharingan now fully blazing, emphasizing the truth in his words laced with a heaviness she could not bear.

"Shisu-" He did not let her finish and took her lips in a long passionate kiss that made her long for air. Memories of a hazy night was coming to the front of her mind. A familiarity and a sense of deja-vu was intensely plaguing her thoughts.

His hands trailed lower, his fingers circling her shirt's hem and taking it off in one swift move. Her midriff was exposed and goosebumps appeared on her heating skin until he covered her and did the same to his top. The feeling of his skin against her was too much for her shocked state and she couldn't quite restrain the moan from escaping her mouth. She easily felt the small grin on his lips, his hands already proceeding on tearing her bandages off her chest.

His sharingan remained active and was memorizing the scene, he already planned on viewing it later. He put his knee between her legs and pushed to rub the hard bulge against her clothed sex. She let herself go and wrapped her legs around his waist. It was moving too fast, at this point she could only let him continue.

The creek of the door opening startled them and they were both frozen on their spot. They awkwardly trailed their stare on the person standing in front of the door.

Itachi was eyeing them with a deadpan and blocking the way with his arm as his mother was observing them with too much attention.

"Ara? Ita-chan, you should have joined them. Don't pay attention to me." Mikoto was smiling and slapping his forearm.

Sakura was hiding beneath Shisui and trying to get her shirt back without showing her torso. It was a lost case, the damn cloth was too far away. Fortunately, he noticed her struggle and handed her his shirt.

"Mother, please don't." It was sad to see Itachi be so used to his mother's antics.

Shisui just got up and went to the bathroom to take a cold shower. Sakura vanished from her spot in a swirl of blossom petals.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

Temari was pushing her brother away from the bar."Gaara, please. It's not the time to drink."

"You mean we can't afford to pay for the damages." Kankuro joined in.

"You're right, I should invite Sakura." Gaara left them in the dust.

"Fuck."

"I rue the day she introduced him to alcohol." Temari muttered and took out her fan, preparing it to take flight.

"Wait! The ropes! Untie the ropes!" It was too late and Kankuro found himself alone and unable to move as she was the one to carry him in his incapacitated state as she was the one to put him in it.

"You, you'll have to do until I get her." Sasori stopped and took out a long scalpel from his coat.

"Kyaaaaaa!"

Naruto turned around and frowned. "Hey Sasuke, didn't you hear a scream?" He was answered with a grunt.

"Who cares." Sasuke was already in bad mood for getting poisoned, he wasn't gonna move his ass and risk being stuck longer than planned because of a scream. The bed and the white room was making him paranoid. He felt eyes on him and knew it had to be one of the fangirls finding out about his stay at the hospital. He had to get out.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ino."

"I hate you."

Sakura huffed and threw her hands in the air."I give up."

"You fucking threw me at that dimwit and then you leave to get steamy with your booty?! You're not even trying to get back into my good graces, bitch!" She threw a pillow at the rosette who had to dodge for her safety. It left a dent on the wall and Sakura eyed the pillow speculatively." Stop that!"

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't speak!"

"No ma'am."

"Get out!"

"Ma'am." Sakura quickly left, not letting her friend the time to get new projectiles. She would give it another try later. For now she had things to do.

First, she had no way to get changed. She was stuck with his shirt just because she was too lazy to do her laundry. She could talk to Tenten but she feared for what could be hidden on it and Hinata would make her body feel inadequate and...lacking. It's not like she has no breast, just that she's not made to handle the weight Hinata has to put through, but to see her fellow comrade so...advanced was kinda discouraging.

"Maybe I could talk to Temari. Or just do my damn laundry and wait." The problem? She couldn't wait. She had to get her damn stuff ready for the mission and the shirt screamed 'I belong to an Uchiha' and the already taken vibes. For some reason, her head was in full alert and her instincts were screaming.

Well, with how well acquainted she got with their bodies, she didn't know if she belonged to them. It's not like she was dating them, right? Because Shisui seriously came to mind with his last display of...affection. It was at this very moment that she reminded herself of a conversation she had with her teammate. One that was not meant to be forgotten but she did anyway.

" _Sasuke."_

" _Hn?"_

" _I don't understand. Why do every men in your clan have arranged marriages?"_

 _He stilled and gave her his full attention. She was a little crept out to be honest._

" _There would be no clan left."_

" _What?"_

" _We're made for battle. The women are the same but more subtle and know better than to remain single and get hauled up in one of them unless they're satisfied with the chosen partner." She had never seen him talk so much in one go. Ok that was a lie but she didn't think he would give her an answer unless it was work related._

" _But." She tilted her head."One of your cousins is married to an outsider, a girl from a civilian clan."_

" _He claimed her. There's no going back for her. She can't escape and making him leave her is no option so the elders let him marry her." The way he stated it left her perplexed. Shouldn't the girl have a choice? What does he mean by no option?_

" _What do you mean by can't escape? No option?" What the fuck does he mean by 'claim'?_

 _He gave her a peculiar look."I guess I should warn you."_

" _Warn me?"_

" _The only pleasure we find is in battle. The only moment we drift off this path is when we find a worthy mate."_

" _What are you, animals? What do you make of sexual frustration?"_

" _All the pent up tension gets spent on honeymoon or during the claiming."_

She looked at her bruises and the bites adorning her skin coupled with her still sore body in contemplation.

" _What?!"_

" _Don't ever sleep with an Uchiha. The moment you do, you're claimed. That's essentially all you have to retain."_

" _I don't understand and I don't think I want to."_

 _He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard."Don't. Ever. Bang. An Uchiha. Unless. You're. In. For. LIFE."_

" _Sasuke?" She tapped him." Let go. You're scaring me."_

" _Understood?" There was no place for a no. She couldn't answer no. It was like he might hammer this fact in her brain to the point of searing until she truly understood._

" _Yes! Now let go!" She clearly didn't. She eyed him with disdain. He grunted."Anyways, why would you warn me? It's not like one of them has their eyes on me."He snorted and quickened his pace." Oi!"_

"It's not like one of them has his eyes on me...sleep with...claimed...marry." She mumbled."Life. Marry. Marry for life? You sleep with one you marry for life?!" She shivered and continued to tremble. "Hehehehehehehe! Not like I'm..." She paused." I did it twice. I did it twice! What happens if you do it twice?!"

Let's just say she discovered the consequences of her drinking more than she ever wanted to.

It was a sad day for her. This is why she was currently in a bar drinking to her heart content and no longer caring about what may occur.

"I cannot escape my fate. Maybe Neji wasn't only sprouting shit in his emo phase." **gulp** " I could take some advice."

"Sakura."

She raised her head." Sensei?"

Kakashi looked at her terrible state and swiped the bottle out of her iron grip." I never thought I'd have to say this to you but...you disappoint me."

"Uh?"

"Nowadays you drink as much as the hokage and don't think they don't gossip about you and the Uchiha pair."

"Like you're well placed to say that!"

"I read porn, I rarely do it."

"Shut up!"

She woke up exhausted and nowhere near her bed. It was only a dream. Well fuck.

Her night was no better than her day and the sun was already getting up when she escaped her problems. Then she noticed a big detail that she had promptly erased from her mind. Sasori was traveling with them and he kept eyeing her like prey. She directly took reins in the hospital of Suna.

"So tell me why you're holding this syringe." Sakura rubbed her temples and closed her eyes to not be tempted to hit someone.

"Well, the patient needs to be tranquilized." The newbie told her, proud of her answer.

"Are you out of chakra? Do you have less than half of it?"

"No."

"So you're telling me you want to inject a substance that might react with the poison even while knowing you could do a swift check and calm the patient down on your own."

"N-no."

"Then what are you doing?! Get out of my sight!" She whined and returned to work." I won't survive the month."


	9. Chapter 9

Sakura came back to the village with a fresh mind, as fresh as it could be after spending the night drinking with the kazekage, and went straight to the hokage tower to give her long report which might or might not contain a complain from the head of their hospital because she incapacitated him for the duration of her stay to Suna. Whatever, she survived Sasori. The sissy had nothing on her.

After her small talk with Tsunade, she directly went home to tidy up all the mess that had accumulated with her laziness. She collapsed on her bed and slept for the whole day.

Light was streaming through her curtains and warmed her face. She slowly opened her eyes but didn't make any other move. No, she was just looking at the sight in front of her eyes. Itachi, surprisingly not Shisui, was sleeping peacefully next to her. She could feel his breathing on her face and his long black hair with mingling with her own. It was a nice contrast.

She was reluctant to make a sound and wake him up on the way but the choice was taken from her when he gifted her with a breathtaking smile. He pocked her forehead with two fingers and stood up.

"Itachi-kun?" Was she dreaming?

"Good morning Sakura."

Was she in some sort of twilight zone? She trailed after him to the kitchen to see Shisui cooking breakfast. She pinched her cheeks. Nope it hurts, it's not a dream. Why were they in her flat acting like they owned the place?

They sat at the table and ate like nothing was out of place until she asked them what they were doing.

"We have to talk about...the night we spent together." The fact that it was Itachi who was taking the reins made her even more worried. She kept looking at the window like it was the response to all her problems. In a way it was.

Shisui took his turn." You...you do know what happens when a man of our clan deliberately sleeps with someone, right?" Somehow he knew she had been told about it. But then it was obvious with Sasuke as her teammate that she would be warned about their _tradition_.

"Does it count when you're more not alone? I mean, you both..." She fiddled with her fingers,"you both slept with me.". She avoided looking at them."You're both really close that I would not be surprised if you were like brothers or more bu-but it-it's different." Was she channeling her inner Hinata? Why was she stuttering all of a sudden?

Itachi took her hands in his and smothered her shaking. She hadn't even noticed she was shaking.

"We talked a lot about it while you were away and we came to a conclusion." Shisui put his hand above theirs and continued,"We decided to court you as one."

"Pfff!" She choked on air."Wh-wu-what?!"

"It's not that uncommon although it tends to be a man and several women." Itachi tried to make her see their perspective."As shinobi we never know which mission could take our lives or if we'll live long enough to retire. It's usually done to make sure to give some offspring but we could proceed like that to avoid the stain it could have for our reputations."

"We don't even know each other! I mean I don-don't I don't know! It was just a night! A fucking night! And-and..."

"You don't want us?"

"No! I mean yes! But no!"What was she saying?! Is she finally losing it?!

Itachi, the voice of reason, decided to intervene in her rambling."You might not love us now but give us a chance. Let us court you." She tried to shake his hands off her."You can stop it whenever you want but just try."

"We were not even close before! What made you attracted to me? Is it even for this reason?! How can you just court me when there was nothing but one night stands?! I'm a fucking alcoholic with a temper worse than a girl on her periods and my mood swings are legendary! What's there to court?!"

And the rest they say is history.

* * *

Or not.

"Hn."

"Sasuke, talk. I do not have the tolerance for your uchihanese for this."

"So oblivious. You're the only one who did not notice their interest in you. They might be good at hiding it but when they kept staring at you it was obvious." Slap. She wanted to slap him so hard.

Naruto who had been unnaturally silent since the beginning decided to make himself known.

"Sakura-chan. I know I'm stupid but after hanging out with them, you can see they like power. They like powerful women who won't back out and won' t take any of their shit. Just look at teme's parents."

"You can be pretty intuitive. That or I'm a moron." Sakura stated.

"Nah just oblivious about some things."

"Hn." _You are a moron._

"Shut up."She sighed." I guess I should give them a chance."

"Hmph." _Of course you will._

Naruto looked at the poison laced senbon in a deadpan."Sakura. Stop poisoning Sasuke."

"It'll give him more antibodies and he won't need to go to the hospital next time."

"!" _What are you saying woman?!_

"Please. No next time."

* * *

Give them a chance she said. Get to know them more she thought. Date them she did.

That does not explain why she was wearing their emblem on her clothes. That did not explain how she suddenly moved from her flat to their compound or how she found herself agreeing to marry them. Marry them when she only accepted their courting a month ago. She was completely swept away.

"You...you already sent the invitations?"

Shisui cuddled her in the bed and nodded." Yep!"

"But I didn't even tell my parents that I know you!"

"What?"His grip on her dangerously tightened.

"I forgot." She felt his hands digging into her flesh.

"Take today off."

"What?"

" **I won't let you work until we resolve this problem**."Ouch.

People were really blind if they thought Itachi was the scariest between them. But then Shisui was the perfect yandere so it was understandable.

Itachi entered the bedroom and vanished to the bathroom." **Wait. I'll go with you.** "

Never mind. They're both scary as hell.

* * *

"Dad. Mom."They bowed."Shisui. Itachi."They returned the bow." My wedding is in a month."

"What."

"Ah no wait. It's in three months."

"..."

"Was I too direct?"

Shisui covered his eyes and tilted his head up. Itachi was the one who explained to her."This kind of news is discussed after talking to them."

"We did."

Shisui grabbed her shoulders and sat her down."We'll handle it."

Maybe her lack of social life in order to raise in ranks had more effect than first thought. Her encounters with Sasori don't count. Her drinking nights also don't count.


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N: I got mixed feelings about the 'weird' comment bc that's not the first and I'm sure that's not the last...Whatever...**

* * *

"Sasori, what have you done to my dad?" Sakura felt tired. It was the big day, her wedding day. She was dressed in a traditional white kimono with her face half hidden beneath the silk. Her lips were painted in a shining scarlet that enhanced the mysterious beauty she held in this ensemble.

Her father was supposed to walk her there but he had gone missing but she leaned more on the disposed theory. In his place was Sasori who was well dressed for the occasion, something she would have never believed, and **uninvited**. How did he know? She did her best to not let the information spread beyond those who were **invited**. He was seriously pissing her off with this off handed smile that screamed ' _That's for me to know and you to never find out._ ' That's true. They won't find his corpse when she's done with him. That's for her to know and them to never find out.

While she was thinking of ways to tortu- convince him to tell the location of her missing parent, he swept her off and...was-was he kidnapping her?

"Oi dumbass! What the hell? Don't you see I'm kind of too busy for your bullshit?!" Alas, it did not work, not that she thought it would for a moment. That would have been too beautiful, too easy. Of course she had to endure some shit before getting committed for life. Things such as divorce was not practiced among shinobi. The only thing that would get you separated was death. That or murder because when you truly angered one to the point of divorce, only one would survive the dispute. They could just get sad to the point of depression but they tended to die due to a lot of other reasons. In the end, only one lived or none.

"Leader-sama wants to see you." Why that was really helpful. Not.

"Why would Gaara want to see me?" She was sure he wasn't the one to order that because he was **invited** and waiting at the reception like the others. How long will it take for them to notice her absence?

"The other one." _Pein._

"On the day of my wedding?"

"He doesn't know." _But you did._

"And you do. Couldn't you have told him, dimwit?!" Why was she even trying to talk to him? Her kimono was constricting and her movements were highly slowed down by the weight of the layers. She wouldn't be able to escape in this attire. Either she had to give up on this magnificent masterpiece either she would have to wait. Waiting was a better option.

"Doll, they will need to get my approval before getting you."

"Are you my father now?!"

"I might as well be."

She...didn't want to think it. Not when there was a really hot scene between them just a few chapters earlier. That was incest. Not recommended and certainly not welcomed.

"Wait a damn second. Isn't your organization situated in Ame?"

"Hm."

"You're planning on taking to Ame?! Are you crazy?! Ah of course you are." It's of no matter, he'll be sacked before leaving the village. But would the leader not move out of his headquarters if he wanted to see her? That 'Hm' was misleading and extremely well placed.

 **Swoosh**. And that was the sound of a kunai grazing against his cheek. The reinforcement had arrived. She was saved. Her outfit wouldn't have to suffer from the adventure. Thank god for this small blessing.

She guessed the attacker was one of her fiance because the others would have shouted profanities long ago. She would have cried in joy and looked at them but if it was Itachi or Shisui then she was happy remaining in the dark. She didn't want to see the pure murderous intent plastered on them. Not on the big day.

"Hand her over, **scum**." Did-did Itachi just cuss? He cussed!

" **We'll make ground meat out of him.** " Shisui, lower your blood lust please.

"You can't make meat out of wood. A great bonfire sounds better." Why was she adding on to it? Ah yeah, she's annoyed.

 **Boom**.

"Sasori-danna!" Oh no. Not him.

"Amaterasu." So quick! He didn't waste time on lower fire based justu. He directly went for the strongest.

Goodbye Deidara, you were a good artificer. Err good bomber, bomber.

* * *

They were all unscathed. Their meeting with the leader was postponed when he learned about the little situation they landed on and promised to thoroughly punish his subordinates. She asked for a front place. He gave her a seal and a date for the event. He earned her respect.

She was taken to the alter with no obstacle on the way back and married her saviors, if you can call them that, changed her clothes to a simple emerald green dress and headed to their new home. Shisui grabbed her in a bridal hold and passed the threshold.

"Guys, I feel like I forgot something." Sakura grew speculative and turned her gaze up in the air.

"Well, at least we knew it's not your parents. Hahaha." She turned to Shisui so fast that the snap of her neck echoed in the living room.

She sped through the room and ran back outside."Dad!"

"Oh..." They followed her without forgetting their weapon pouch.

The only thing that was in her mind while running was that it wasn't the thing she forgot.

* * *

The good news was that her dad was alive. Bedridden for a long time but still alive and nearly healthy. He was too out of it to get better by himself but he had her mother so she didn't worry about him.

As for the bad news. It was written on the stick she was holding that was outright mocking her with its sign.

"Well fuck me."

"Gladly."His use of shunshin was not appreciated at this very moment.

 **Smack.**

"Get out." She slammed the door closed with gusto.

Shisui rubbed his head and picked up the stick. He froze.

"Shisui?" Itachi looked at his frozen face and at the stick stuck between his fingers. He peered over the other's shoulder and his consciousness broke. Yes, broke, it didn't leave him. It broke him.

Sakura found them both still as status. She sighed but didn't try to guess what was wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N: I forgot my story so I had to read it again and that's how I noticed how they're in great need of editing(including this one).**

 **As for why it took me so long...LIFE.**

* * *

Sakura watched as her husbands smacked into the wall, several times a day. She wondered if her cooking really had such nefarious erffect on the coordination or if they all should take some days off for the awaited honeymoon. As it's she didn't think their house could take more damage than that. She waited until they went out to get back to her research for the stick she lost a few days ago as her friend had vanished before she could see the results. There was no logic on doing the test if in the end you didn't want to see the result and Sakura couldn't even tell her as she currently was on a pretty dangerous mission. Giving up sounded tempting but she didn't anyone to find it and draw conclusions about her.

She leaned on a kitchen counter and sighed."It's a lost cause." The puffing smoke of a summon stopped her musing. She picked up the letter left by the animal and gave it a quick glance before going to the hospital. She had lives to save and no time for wasted effort to find a stick.

As she passed through the streets she could swear she saw Mikoto-san gushing over over baby clothes. Her stepmother's want for grandchildren was intense. Who knew how much time they had left before she was expected to give birth to a few heirs.

However Mikoto had not been the only one as a few other women were seen in her company. Sakura remained oblivious to the pointed stares in her direction as distracted as she was over her limited freedom. The clan memebers were preparing gifts for the lovely event not knowing it was all based on a misunderstanding.

The sound of shouts and cries of agony greeted Sakura as she was rushed to the victims while cleaning her hands and ordering the nurses. It promised to be a long day.

* * *

 _Meanwhile in the headquaters of a certain mercenary group._

Pein was too busy disciplining his subordinate to attend the meeting and let his partner Konan take the reins. They were all reunited in a badly lit room due to the lack of funds. Many were absent but the main members were seated in their designated place. Konan stood at the end of the table and drawled in an irritated tone."With Sasori out of commission we need a new member." Kakuzu bind Deidara with his strings before the latter could open his mouth. Konan stared with indifference."Or maybe two."

Kakuzu put the silenced bomber next to the head of his teammate and put a stack of bills on the table. "I vote for the Idiot's execution. He cost us too much."

Konan dragged her eyes over the exorbitant prices they had to pay over the year due to the destruction caused by more than half their members, as her nerves were slowly shooting up the lights went down as if to agree with Kakuzu." That's...debatable although you also have to mention which idiot."

Kisame made himself known and argued with the matter." We can't eject them all. It's more difficult to recruit than to keep what we have. Zetsu keeps eating those with potentials and the strong ones are all..."

Konan ended the discussion with" You're right.".

"Damn!"

Pein arrived at the end" Kakuzu, give Hidan's head back, his body is still running in the corridors."

* * *

Sasuke looked at his brother and rubbed his eyes. He looked over again and nope it wasn't an illusion.

"Aniki..."

Itachi did not provide a response and dived back into the books. Shisui kept muttering "parenthood" under his breath and Mikoto proved herself useful by drowning him in everything she could find to teach them.

Sasuke tried again and Itachi slammed the book close before invading his private space." I need help." And that's how Sasuke knew he wouldn't join Naruto on his usual ramen fest.

It took him a while to assimilate the fact that his brash and monstrously strong female teammate was pregnant. It made him imagine mini Itachi and Shisui parading around with pink hair. **Shiver.** Yeah that's a disturbing thought.

"I think...I think you need to talk to her first and foremost before you plan any further. You don't want your future children to be fatherless."

Itachi froze. That...was a good point. Not that he ever planned on doing it on his own acccord.

* * *

After a week their wall had finally conceeded to cease struggling againt the strength of the two shinobi and fell in shambles. That was the day Sakura decided to confront them.

" **Itachi. Shisui. Sit**."

They obeyed instantly. Sweating under the smouldering heat of her temper breaking to the surface they waited for her to talk.

"I don't know what you have againt this house but you will **stop**." She waited for her words to drill thelmselves into their stubborn heads and continued." You will tell me what's going on and we will **peacefully** settle it down."

Shisui,oh the ever courageous Shisui threw himself into the fire."Yo-you're p-pr-preg-pregnant."

" **What the fuck.** "

"Y-y-yo-you-you're not?"

" **Fuck no.** " The relieved sigh from Itachi did not escape her. She'd take care of that later.

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh."

"Thank god."

"I don't think so." **Crack.**

After a thorough drilling Sakura massaged her tense shoulders and relaxed on the bed.

"Now that I think about it when were my last periods?" She counted the months on her fingers and stopped."Oh."


	12. Chapter 12

The thing with false alerts is that people tend to be more cautious the next time so how was she supposed to get one? She could easily take care of that at the hospital but then it's not her husbands who will be alerted but her shishiou and she doesn't know which one is worse. On one hand you have the classical trainwreck which kind of already happened but for the wrong reasons and then you have the other which is way more unpredictable. It is difficult to counter something you can't predict but the guys were so annoying.

"I knew I should have gone with Deidara. Life is so simple when filled with explosions." The idea was discarded as soon as it was made. When you marry an Uchiha nevermind two, you simply don't try to run away and certainly not with someone else. Life is too precious." I should ask a friend but then again who?Ino? Screaming in the streets would be more discreet than telling her. Naruto? Sasuke? Lee? Tenten? It might work?Nah." Why did it seem like every choice risked exposure?

She was not left to ponder on it when a hybrid manplant came out from her floor. Could it even be said that he came out of it? It's more like he fusionned with the thing and finally decided to come out. He is definitely solid although it's up to debate whether he could be considered human he have genital organs or does he reproduce like a plant? Well woman that was pretty disturbing and fucking creepy. Better not go there.

"Are you Haruno Sakura? **Who else would have pink hair,dumbass?** " The man or plant talked and he couldn't even be bothered to be normal . He had to have a personality disorder.

"Did you ever consult a psychologist?" And a mad scientist while you're at it. She bet he came out of one's suspect lab. Orochimaru?

" **I don't need a shrink woman.** " Yeah, like she'd believe that. The dichotomy in his body and mind is more pronounced than her twisted personality and that's saying a lot. One would say she didn't take enough time to evaluate the situation but seriously do you need to do so for this?

"I know a good one that won't discriminate you for your exotic features. You should think about it."

"You know, she's right. **Shut up lil' shit. Listening to a pink-haired** _ **woman**_ **, you have no balls.** Well I don't think we have balls on us. **Moron.** " She took offense to the pink hair comment.

"He should be free tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you~ **Get her idiot!** Oops. Sorry miss but we have to take you with us." She should've run away while she had the opportunity but she felt more entitled to give him the psychologist's business card. She tried not to think about where he put it. He didn't have pockets so it's not like he had a lot of choices but still that's disgusting.

She stared in stupefaction as his hand seemed to melt within the area he touched namely her. She felt a small tug before her body was absorbed by the ground. As they resurfaced her mind had taken her elsewhere, in a safer place where she didn't just feel the fucking conbcrete pass through her.

"Why do they always end like that? **They're all pussies.** Bu- **Shut up.** "

* * *

"Wow. Plantman does a better job than you woodboy. See? It takes a dick to do the job, something you gave up." The whistle was added to rile Sasori enough to make him attack. The chakra threads danced in the air and evaded the black strings in their path.

Kakuzu slapped the noisy head and gave his best disappointed expression meaning look down on your target like he's not worth stepping over with your old unwashed since its purchase dirty sock. All he had to go through to not lose money is honorable. And then you get a new shithead as a defective lackey that has a black hole instead of brain cells.

"If you cost us another furniture I'll take your heart." Kakuzu growled at the severed head.

"Bah! You can't catch me!"

"Challenge accepted." He got up from his seat and stalked to the door. It was time to give chase.

"Wah!Wait!" The head rolled." Fucking wait! Yo-bfff." Hidan looked up to see the ominous glint in Sasori's eyes.

"I have a new batch of poison to test and you just gave me the perfect test subject." The smooth voice promised retaliation and excruciating pain.

"GYAAAAAAH!"

* * *

"Urrrgh!" Sakura was on her knees as she regurgitated all the food and fluids stocked in her body in the bathroom . She slumped on the cold tiles and cursed har fate because that was morning sickness. The fact couldn't be twisted. She was a goddamn medic, disease held no secret and couldn't invade her body without her knowing. Her scans could not lie to her. Why she didn't of doing herself first was a mystery. Nowadays, her head keeps getting muddled by unnecessary , those guys sure knew how to pick their timing. They were awful. First her wedding and now that, they were doing that on purpose, she was sure of it.

At least, the room was spacious and the bed was comfortable. Speaking of bed, it looked quite inviting. A little nap wouldn't hurt.

How can a nap invite so much destruction? Did they think throwing an homicidal puppet user would make her agreeable? She swore she saw a mutilated head tangling from his fingers.

"Please tell me it's a dream, a big bad dream." A poisoned kunai embedded itself into the wall behind her, Sasori's hand was still up in mid air and a strand of her hair dramatically fell. "That's no dream."

Sasori adopted the same method even when it proved itself ineffective. Attack and confine first, talk later. She brandished her jar of starving termites. Don't ask her why she had it on hands. It was but a mere coincidence.

She couldn't remember how she got out after this point. It involved a lot of chance and a bit of disorder with a certain man's body swinging a scythe everywhere. Some people should not have weapons. One more task failed to count for the strong but insane mercenary group. Having more members filled with common sense would do them good like saving their sinking budget.

Nobody had noticed she was gone from her home and she knew a majority of the secret entrances to enter her village without being seen. That made her wonder how long she had been gone for.

She noticed a huge stack of boxes blocking the front door but no one in sight. She unlocked the door and traps while she was at it and loaded the seemingly harmless boxes in.

* * *

Shisui came back home without Itachi as he had no heir duty to fulfill.

"I'm back!" He cheerfully greeted his wife who remained unresponsive."Hm?"

She gave him a big sigh and pointed to the chair across hers. He slowly joined her and examined her. She looked worn out and her outfit looked torn in some places. Did she train?

"I'm sorry."

Well didn't that sound ominous for him?


	13. Chapter 13

**_Flashback_**

When she brandished the jar like a sword wielded by the typical knight in a shining armor she was trying to impersonate she noticed one important detail, it's empty. She got on her knees and put the empty jar in front of her."I surrender."

A chakra string retrieved the kunai which landed on the wooden hand of the nuke-nin."Do not think your words suffice to make you trustworthy."

While he continued his monologue Sakura wondered where the bunch of termites could have gone. She swore she had sealed the cap so they should still be inside. Had they gotten chakra resistant? As Sasori was nearing the end of his talk he suddenly flinched.

"Oh. They're so smart. They didn't even wait for me to tell them to attack you." The glare he gave her as the termites were eating his body was delightfully deadly however he was down before he could hurt her.

She watched the bugs mercilessly tearing into the hard material."Do I have to exterminate them? Oh, the heart is intact." She ignored the fact that the heart was too small to be a whole one and that half of it was out somewhere with the possibility of rising once again and get revenge. She had to take this opportunity to steal his researches.

She wandered through the halls to find the exit and entered another room in the way. Hidan's lips had been stitched together with black threads identical to Kakuzu's. The detached body was nowhere to be seen but the scythe was innocently resting against the wall. That was one less thing to worry about. She never saw the headless body waiting in the shadows.

 ** _End flashback_**

And this is the story of how she easily escaped the den of deranged men on crack. They might among the strongest but their management was shit, the teamwork was shit and their base was shit. Ok, the last one was just to spite them.

It will not be the last time they try to add her to their ranks although an event in the future will stop their attempts altogether but that's a story for another time. The rise of the termites was only the beginning.

* * *

"Err...what happened to you?"

Sakura watched the poor guy struggling with his words like he was expecting a beating no matter the outcome. It would be true most of the time but not in this case. She should stop hitting people whenever she's angry, it would be bad if her child picked up her habit. Now she had two choices, she could wait until she felt better or she could tell him and deal with the consequences after a big rest. Oh no wait, there was still Itachi.

She tried to compose herself and gave him a quick lie " I had a little mishap with a jutsu or something like that."

He looked skeptical but nodded."So I didn't do anything wrong?"

"No."She waited until he relaxed and threw the news in his face,"I'm really pregnant." before going to bed leaving him alone to register it in his mind. The way she delivered the news was so anticlimactic she couldn't help the hysterical laugh that fled from her mouth.

Shisui stared at her until she disappeared from view and tried to occupy his mind with another subject like the boxes in the corner that had no place there. He knew what was in those boxes, he knew who it was from and that's why he left them to rot in front of their door.

"Oba-san has an impeccable timing."He didn't dare kick the boxes out now that they were inside"I gotta tell Itachi."

"Thank you dear." An eerie voice sounded behind him.

* * *

The summer was harsh for the inhabitants of the village. The weather was smouldering and the air had a heaviness that weighted on the people crowding in the streets. A certain rosette was stuck in bed suffering cramps and rubbing her rounded stomach. The room was packed with people arguing about the name of her future child.

"Kotoamatsukami for a girl!" Shisui yelled, fighting against the other suggestions.

Sakura looked outside the window and calmly replied."The wind is quite strong today, it's starting to sound like a myriad of voices."

Sai followed her gaze,"There's no wind, Ugly. At this rate, your chance of going back on active duty is prone to zero."

"Shut up Sai."

"Why don't you call your child Sharingan while you're at it?" Ino, don't provoke them. They might really do that.

"Tsukuyomi would be better then." What happened to you Itachi? Did Naruto spike your drink? Sakura surveyed his hands and any sign of a glass or bottle. He didn't drink anything. She was worried for him, really worried.

"Why not Amaterasu?"Shisui countered. "I am not arrogant as to name my child after a goddess. Names have power. I don't want misfortune to strike our girl."The fact that Itachi sincerely seemed to have thought about it didn't bode well with Sakura. It meant he considered it.

"Why do you all suppose it's gonna be a girl?" Choji interrupted with a relatively reasonable question. Unfortunately it had no place in this debate.

"There's a chance for their offspring to have pink hair. They wouldn't want to inflict such a huge struggle to a boy." Shikamaru quietly answered because no one in their right mind would say it out loud next to the pink haired mother.

"Basuke." Sasuke...that's just your name starting with a B instead of a S.

"It sounds like basket."Naurto grumbled,"Boruto!"

"Idiots!"Ino, bless your deserve it."If his sounds like basket then yours is like bolt! And what's with this fascination with the letter B?! Was Bachi, Bisui and Bakura not enough?! You two have such bad tastes!"

Sakura had planned to tell them the news during this gathering but seeing them right now she decided to make it a surprise. Had Shisui and Itachi not reacted like traumatized shinobi during the visits they would have known.

She was expecting twins.


End file.
